John Klossner

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PowerPoint: Your guide to loving it, hating it or leaving it

THOUGHTS ON POWERPOINT

Klossner kitten

 


WHY PEOPLE LIKE POWERPOINT

* It beats working

* You can pick up subtleties in the 254th PowerPoint presentation that you may have overlooked in the 253rd

* You like the cartoons

[Note: Include directions to article on PP addiction]


WHY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE POWERPOINT

* It puts you to sleep

* The snoring of those around you prevents you from sleeping

* You have seen so many PowerPoint presentations that you are unable to read to your children unless "The Cat in the Hat" is bulleted


WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON'T LIKE POWERPOINT

Complain…

* … Openly (e.g., include announcement of next week's PowerPoint presentation on searching for new job)

* … In your internationally published column [NOTE: See if this person will do a PowerPoint seminar for us on "how to write a resignation letter and get paid for it"]

* … Secretively (e.g., include announcement of tomorrow's PowerPoint presentation on how to blog anonymously)

* … On your Facebook page -- and when confronted, claim that "that no-good Zuckerberg has no respect for privacy"


BENEFITS OF COMPLAINING ABOUT TOO MANY POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

You'll have more time to ...

* ... Spend with your family

* ... Work in the garden

* ... Travel


PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE IT BUT DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOUR JOB …

… Just stick around for the cartoons

[NOTE: Insert cartoon here]

Klossner PowerPoint

[NOTE: Do we have to pay for the cartoon? If so, use photo of kitten (NOTE: Make sure to use public domain kitten image)]


BENEFITS OF NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT TOO MANY POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

* Possibility of advancement when those above you are let go for complaining

* Possibility of a military medal for lower body numbness caused by sitting through a three-hour PowerPoint [NOTE: Look into this]


HOW TO KEEP AUDIENCE AWAKE DURING POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

* Give out bonuses for anyone spotting inconsistencies in the type faces or color coding (e.g., include announcement of next month's PowerPoint presentation, “Is the Army more Helvetica or Times New Roman?")

* Have a "pick the cutest kitten" contest

[NOTE: Change this to "pick the cutest public domain kitten image" contest]


HOW TO MAKE PRESENTATION MORE INTERACTIVE

* Show Rorschach image for audience responses

* Make sure image is actual Rorschach image and not the coffee stain we accidently used in last PowerPoint

* In case of screw-up, ask audience if they can spot the difference between Rorschach blot and coffee stain

* For bonus points, have audience color code the Rorschach blot for the appropriate military branch

* Additional bonus points for any audience member who thinks Rorschach blot looks like public domain kitten image

* See if audience members think the "bowl of spaghetti" slide looks more like an omelet


CLOSING THOUGHT

Respect your audience: End presentation early, to allow them to make it to the next scheduled PowerPoint

Posted by John Klossner on Nov 10, 2010 at 12:19 PM


FCW in Print

In the latest issue: Looking back on three decades of big stories in federal IT.

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  • FCW @ 30 GPS

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  • Shutterstock image.

    A 'minibus' appropriations package could be in the cards

    A short-term funding bill is expected by Sept. 30 to keep the federal government operating through early December, but after that the options get more complicated.

  • Defense Secretary Ash Carter speaks at the TechCrunch Disrupt conference in San Francisco

    DOD launches new tech hub in Austin

    The DOD is opening a new Defense Innovation Unit Experimental office in Austin, Texas, while Congress debates legislation that could defund DIUx.

Reader comments

Tue, Nov 16, 2010

Your artical would have been better in PowerPoint

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