Shared keyboards, chairpooling and other budget-cutting proposals
Further suggested cost-cutting proposals for the federal workforce:
* Shared keyboards.
* Replace all smart phones with “nice personality” phones.
* One word: chairpooling.
* Any money found in employees’ pockets when entering federal buildings belongs to the Treasury.
* Federal employees required to provide their own toilet paper.
* At staff meetings, everyone will be asked to think of a number. Those that match manager’s number will be furloughed for the day.
* Employees with birthdays on odd-numbered days are furloughed on Mondays and Wednesdays, and those with even-numbered days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
* Employees how have choice between mandated furloughs or cleaning agency windows.
* All desks will be metered at 50 cents an hour.
* Rent out cubicles as low-budgeted motel rooms at night and on weekends, conference rooms as “suites.”
* Replace all printers with slates and chalk.
* Agency coffeemaker now works on a lottery basis.
* “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day will now be called “Have Your Daughter Take Calls” Day.
* Agency cafeterias to operate as pot luck.
* Return to budget 1.0.
Posted on Feb 09, 2011 at 12:19 PM