Lisagor: My crystal ball gets serious

Predictions have a way of coming true when you and I least expect them to

Federal Computer Week has received some letters demanding an end to my annual projections from readers who claim that my crystal ball is worthless. The Enlightened Manager, however, is not easily discouraged. For those who enjoy prognostications, I offer — seriously — a list of 18 predictions about what you can expect in 2007.
  • Under new and strictly enforced pay-for-performance regulations, several elected officials will receive no annual salary in 2007.
  •  Intelligence agencies will share a comprehensive study about whether information sharing is possible.
  •  As a cost-cutting measure, the Census Bureau will buy all Americans their own personal digital assistants to report their census status rather than hire thousands of census takers.
  • In a move guaranteed to upset Bush administration officials, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will rename the BioSense program the Nonsense Program.
  • The new FirstGov — now USA.gov —chat room will add an interagency online dating service to be named FirstDate.gov.
  • Someone will actually replace a legacy system.
  • To help midsize companies compete against larger corporations, all midsize companies will be merged into a single organization. The new company will be called Lockrop Grumhead or Lockmart Heedin.
  • The federal workforce brain drain will again be declared a national medical emergency.
  • The Transportation Security Administration’s airport screeners will use their newly granted bargaining rights to get deals on Apple Computer iPods at Amazon.com.
  • A chief information officer will finally be given a seat at the table. The CIO will then begin figuring out how to move that seat from the kitchen to the main meeting room.
  • A major information technology program will be renamed the Indian Mistrust Fund.
  • The Office of Management and Budget will declare that implementing risk management is too risky.
  • Serious consideration will be given to sending a surge of additional troops to Washington, D.C., to help reduce divisive political infighting.
  • The CIO Council will award $150,000 for a study to determine why the “v” in IPv6 is not capitalized.
  • Several small agency CIOs, tired of always coming out on the short side of budget requests, will file suit in federal court claiming reverse height discrimination.
  •  A Government Accountability Office audit report will uncover absolutely nothing wrong with a major IT program, and GAO will delay the report’s release until April 1.
  • Just when we are all feeling rather hopeless, someone will turn on the light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Finally, I can’t resist including a sentence to express my ongoing concerns about WSSL, HSPD-12, VOIP, ERM, SCM, SOAP, UDDI, XML and UDI. May they all RIP.
Lisagor founded Celerity Works in 1999 to help executives accelerate and manage business growth. He lives on Bainbridge Island, Wash., and can be reached at lisagor@ celerityworks.com.

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