John Klossner

Blog archive

Shared keyboards, chairpooling and other budget-cutting proposals

John Klossner

Further suggested cost-cutting proposals for the federal workforce:

* Shared keyboards.

* Replace all smart phones with “nice personality” phones.

* One word: chairpooling.

* Any money found in employees’ pockets when entering federal buildings belongs to the Treasury.

* Federal employees required to provide their own toilet paper.

* At staff meetings, everyone will be asked to think of a number. Those that match manager’s number will be furloughed for the day.

* Employees with birthdays on odd-numbered days are furloughed on Mondays and Wednesdays, and those with even-numbered days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

* Employees how have choice between mandated furloughs or cleaning agency windows.

* All desks will be metered at 50 cents an hour.

* Rent out cubicles as low-budgeted motel rooms at night and on weekends, conference rooms as “suites.”

* Replace all printers with slates and chalk.

* Agency coffeemaker now works on a lottery basis.

* “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day will now be called “Have Your Daughter Take Calls” Day.

* Agency cafeterias to operate as pot luck.

* Return to budget 1.0.

John Klossner

Posted on Feb 09, 2011 at 12:19 PM


Featured

  • Contracting
    8 prototypes of the border walls as tweeted by CBP San Diego

    DHS contractors face protests – on the streets

    Tech companies are facing protests internally from workers and externally from activists about doing for government amid controversial policies like "zero tolerance" for illegal immigration.

  • Workforce
    By Mark Van Scyoc Royalty-free stock photo ID: 285175268

    At OPM, Weichert pushes direct hire, pay agent changes

    Margaret Weichert, now acting director of the Office of Personnel Management, is clearing agencies to make direct hires in IT, cyber and other tech fields and is changing pay for specialized occupations.

  • Cloud
    Shutterstock ID ID: 222190471 By wk1003mike

    IBM protests JEDI cloud deal

    As the deadline to submit bids on the Pentagon's $10 billion, 10-year warfighter cloud deal draws near, IBM announced a legal protest.

Stay Connected

FCW Update

Sign up for our newsletter.

I agree to this site's Privacy Policy.